Friday, March 23, 2012

Spring Break

So I planned on writing this awesome post about how awesome Spring Break has been, how I went to the beach yesterday and got a little sunburned and had milkshakes and went running and went to Sonic and how I feel like I'm in a good place. But I'm not going to write about any of that.

Because today, five minutes into a run, I felt the familiar crack and the heat rushing through my ankle. I had sprained my ankle. Again. Ouch.

This has happened too many times to me. More times than I can count. Sometimes, I just roll on it, it gets a little swollen, and the next day it's fine. But on a day like today, when I can feel that pop and the rush of warmth, I know it's staying. And as I tried to hold in the tears as I hobbled home, when I opened my back door and saw my dog, who looked so eager, the tears just came rushing out. I sobbed and sobbed, so mad and upset that this had happened. Again. A million thoughts ran through my mind. "Why didn't I go to hot yoga instead? Why didn't I pay more attention when I was running? Why does this always happen to me? Why now? Why why why?" Asking God why this happened, if I was doing the right thing. I know it seems dramatic and silly, but I was running for a reason.

I was running to get healthier, to lose weight, and to feel happier with myself. I wasn't happy with what I saw when I looked in the mirror this week. Shorts that fit me last summer don't fit me now. I need to make a change, and I'm committed to it. I thought running would get me there. But with my weak ankles, I'm not in good enough shape to be running. I need to find something else. Hot yoga, swimming, the elliptical, there are so many things I can do, and I need to remember that.

It's easy to feel like my weight loss journey has been halted. But I will keep pushing through. I think that this has given me more determination. I am going to get healthier and keep going. Yes, I will falter, and yes I will lose motivation. But at the end of the day, I will be strong, and that's what I will take pride in.

"The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation."
Exodus 15:2